Twist Ties

Addressing the World-Wide Shortage of Twist-Ties. (AKA Tie Wraps, twisters, tie thingys and twisty-tags.) I know. It’s an ugly subject. Make sure the kids don’t read this page. There are some traumatic thoughts here. But this has to be said. Somebody has to say it. The world is running out of Twist Ties. All bread is destined to be dry and stale right there on your grocer shelf. Those Scooby-do and Spiderman lunch boxes are now going to contain just jumbled baloney and jelly beans and corn chips. How will one make trash bags secure from the prying neighbors? Will it no longer be possible to make those temporary but quick repairs in underwear emergencies? This unimaginable threat is reaching epidemic proportions in this wholly civilized world and in the partly-civilized world and backward cultures and even in some parts of the US. Where will it end? Biloxi? Elmore City? Saskatchewan? Scientists all over the world are remaining silent on the subject. What does that tell you? Requests for interviews on twist-tie shortage are summarily rejected. No scientist wants to talk about this horror. An orthodontist approached on the street refused to address the subject and began dialing the police on his cell phone. They just aren’t talking. Why has this not been examined in the Hits and Mythses blog? This would be right down his street and up his alley. A personal investigation and informal (jeans and T-shirt) inquiry into this phenomenon is developing some speculation about origins and causes. There are no clear answers yet but strong evidence is looming. There are some indications that somebody is actually hoarding these tiny but essential items. Hoarding. That would do it. Somewhere there is a big kitchen drawer full of Twisters and probably some rubber bands and clothes pins and maybe even some metal office clamps. But where? Is there a dark cellar somewhere with a coffee can full of them? Is there a bag of them secreted behind the clothes dryer? One Twist-Tie was sought diligently here last night. Just ONE! It was sincerely needed for an important preservation project. A freezer bag needed to be sealed. But no. There were no Twist-Ties to be found. Not where they were needed. Now there is a thick, icy sheet of possum gravy all over the freezer.